In loving memory

There's a silence in my mind, rattled with unbelief, while wrestling with compromise.

Who knew growing up could be a painful realization that the world was not as innocent as it seems?

In the midnight before Christmas, I stare at the screen with unblinking eyes. My thoughts scrambled, yet converging onto the one, single thing that has been haunting my mind.

That one thing starts with A, and ends with Y, and there's two other vowels in between, but hey, go figure.

The minor event that happened today, has sparked a stark truth in all of us. We're drifting away.

The thought of us growing old together, and bringing all our kids for our yearly gatherings and whatsoever, it ain't happening.

If that is happening. Then, i solemnly bow my head, and lay my bouquet of roses in front of the tombstone in my mind that reads " In loving memory, of our youth. "

To 2010, a beginning of our departure.

Salmon, signing out.

Contented is one word that summarizes my absence

Back to the world of blogging, after being out of the scene for such a long time. Figured that this will keep my mind ticking, slowing the process of a imminent decay in the neurons and cells up there.

From bmtc to sispec then to selarang camp, my migration has landed me 20 mins away from home now, and the feeling is awesome!

Love my new working environment and all the different people there(:

hope its permanent

this kinda of joy should last till ord

salmon, signing out

Its been a month and a half since i entered the army. Things have been ok, not fabulous, not horrible, just alright. 

In the army, I've learn how to push myself mentally, sometimes past the inconceivable. That being said, the most important growth experienced the last few weeks have not only been physical, but most importantly mental and emotional. 

When you're facing tough challenges, that hovers between monotonous and strenous activities, we all need a focus, a deliberate point of motivation to keep us charging ahead. Taking one footstep for a purpose,  and another for glory, and another for destiny. The most important challenge is not made up in a form of competition amongst each other, but the ultimate battle is the war that rages inside our minds, that calls us to give in and give up every other second.

But, i'm glad i made it.

No injuries, no sickness, no prolonged pain.

Only a tinch of heartache.

In the deep recesses of the island, my heart grows numb to it,

but back in the world, the shell protecting it fades, and here lies my bare heart, raw and vulnerable.

I really miss her, even if its only a couple of weeks, not being able to see her this weekend, has left a lingering sadness at the back of my mind.

Salmon, signing out.

So Ordinary

Here's my latest song. enjoy

http://www.sendspace.com/file/2fib1f

So Ordinary

Today, I'm trying to get you out my mind.
I'm sorry, but you have overstayed, your way.
Tomorrow, we'll wake to the sounds of rain,
and feel the wind that never left us the same.

Fly me straight into your arms,
And i should never let you go.

And I am so ordinary, you amaze me.
Out of my league, that's where you're standing.
But inevitably, you inspire me.
Out of mind, out of sight,
Yet you, you make me sing.

Take heed, the lessons learnt from yesterday,
And know, we all deserve our chances the same.
And don't go, drifting along the streams of time and space.
We've got to set our eyes on other better days ahead.

Fly me straight into your arms,
And i should never let you go.

And I am so ordinary, you amaze me.
Out of my league, that's where you're standing.
But inevitably, you inspire me.
Out of mind, out of sight,
And you..

And there's just so much of me, you refine me.
Deep in my dreams, that's where you're standing.
but inevitably, you remind me.
I'm outta line, outta time,
yet you, you make me sing.


Salmon, signing out

And finally,
the creator returns to his creation,
bidding it a temporary farewell.

Dear Blog,
This is it.
It's officially a day away.
I'm going to be honest and say,
that i don't really know wad to expect.
But, but. i really hope it's not a dread.
Having to be away from my world for weeks,
and i guess i'll miss loads of things.

Like.

dota
my guitar
my drums

yea, but all these are trivial.

there are about a hundred more important things to miss,
but it's hard to miss something i don't know i'm missing out yet.

like.

my bed.
my family
my friends

oh, and i will miss dinners with cherish.
and. jogging with andrew
and talking rubbish on the phone with audrey
and jermyn's sillyness
and soccer with vscb
and net!
and.. bumming around.

So, dearest blog, until next time. i would definitely be able to think of a thousand other things i would miss while i'm away.

salmon, signing out.

random poem thinggy.

What if the best thing that's happened to you walked you by?
You close your eyes, and let it just slip by.
When you open them again, you see it move away. far from where you'd stay.

You try running after it, but felt exhausted after awhile,
you thought, " it'll be okay. Something else better's bound to be along the way."
so, you tried and tried so many times, and it hurts so much on the inside.

What if the best thing that's happened to you walked you by, again?
Do you see with different light, and pursue it with all your might?
Or maybe, just maybe.. you'll work everything down to a second time.

My, Oh my.
It's hazardous to chase one's mind.
Sigh, deep sigh.
Not gonna make the same mistake twice. i'll try, i'll really do try.

Salmon,signing out.

Subconciously. I'm refusing to let my blog die. And having a blog is like having a.. baby? Like the added responsibility kinda lingers around in your mind when you're going through each day.

Anyway, today marks the end of my teaching career and honestly. Knowing me, i'm not a sentimental person, even when pamella and the kangs left for Australia for a year, i was pretty much unfazed. haha, but for my class oneone, darn. i'm ACTUALLY sad that i'm leaving, and miss kuah was so nice!! (: she made them put up a performance for me, like this guy was playing the guitar and another guy was singing. Although he was really bad, coz he was out of tune and he forgot his entries but it was so sweet(: and they got me this big board and wrote little tweet notes for me, all along the lines of " thanks for teaching us physics" and then i performed for them "you and me" by lifehouse, although i got sian after the first chorus and went like ok, that's all. oh, and i gave them 8 dollars worth of sweets, and they were so happy. lol! then i started talking about life after secondary school and like tell them "VJC is very good, you all must do your best and come." then miss kuah was like " temasek is better" then i seriously, thought for awhile, then i was like huh? really ah, they beat us this year? Then, i realised that she was trying to say she was from TJC so i gave her a -_- look. and she said "temasek is better" again with an even louder voice. lol, wadever.

On the bright side, i get to play for 1 whole month! yes. (:

Salmon, signing out.

As a teaching intern in Coral sec, i've learnt to squirm through alot of hmmm.... meetings by a very basic rule my colleagues enlightened me with, and its called " Ignorance is bliss"

And when you're truly unaware, or.. dun bother to be aware. You really get away with stuff:D

IT woman: " hey, you need to finish your survey by today. Pls log in to your MLR account and finish it. "
Me; " i have an mlr account? "
IT woman: " Yea. we put the note in your pigeonhole giving you your account and password awhile ago."
Me; " I have a pigeonhole? "
IT woman: ...

hahahahaha. but, really man. they dun bother telling me i have a pigeonhole, then i choose to put my mantra of ignorance is bliss into motion lol. now that i know i have my own pigeonhole.. hahaha, i'd better go and check it out.

Salmon,signing out.

I secretly enjoy teaching. haha. Although my stand to my colleagues is that i'm never gonna come back to this profession again. In my mind, i know its vaguely possible.
And today i got evaluated and assessed like an NIE teacher by a senior teacher in the school so he could send my evaluation back to the ministry, pretty supervisor teacher asked me if i was nervous, and i went like "err.. not really" coz honestly, haha there wasnt any pressure, i didnt even prepare much beforehand lol. But thank God it went well in the end ya. Its a really enriching experience, you can feel yourself flustering as WE, teachers are constantly battling against time. Never thought that holding a practical lesson on using micrometer screwgauge and vernier calipers would take up so much time, did you?
anyways, like pretty supervisor teacher said, i'm not fierce enough and that's true, i dun really know how to be fierce la. I get exasperated, making " ahhhhhhhh." sounds, more than i get angry. And that always amuses the kids, and they'll end up laughing and making fun of me, but i'm really ok with that haha. they will say" cher, you very funny." and i'll be like hor. ok.
hope my evaluation didnt go too well, although pretty supervisor teacher said it was quite good. I dun wanna be tempted to take the scholarship. haha, i rather not teach at the moment.(:wanna see how the other side of the working world is like first.

Salmon, signing out.

Songs and Sounds Project 2009

Songs and Sounds Project 2009 [23/2/09-15/3/09]

Objective: To enrich and enhance my musical experience in both composing and playing.
1) Songwriting Theory Course: Studying and producing reports, probably in the form of lesson plans, on
– The Everything Songwriting Book By C. J. Watson and
– The Songwriters Idea Book: 40 Strategies to Excite Your Imagination, Help You Design Distinctive etc. By Sheila Davis
– One other book on songwriting theory and methodology
2) Songwriting Practical: Composing Songs and producing Demos, touching up on previous projects.
- “Song For You”
- “How Much More Can I Miss You Tonight?”
- Composition of New Songs[Preferably One slow Song[jazz] and a duet]
3) Musical Playing: To improve technique and level of playing on different instruments such as
- Guitar, Both lead and acoustic guitar, Learning the different scales and chords and using them in new chord progressions to give my music more depth and variety.
- Drums, Disciplined practice.
- Piano: Learn new chord progressions and techniques for bass line composition.

4) Engaging People: Getting feedback from others on the progress of my songwriting and playing, as well as getting more experienced and talented people to help in creating the desired sound for my songs.
5) Music Theory: ABRSM Theory Grade 5

Work Hours:
10a.m. – 5p.m on weekdays at Changi Airport/ Esplanade Library

Expenses:
Transport: 2.50 a day, 50 a month.
Food: Lunch: covered by allowance

Dear Blog,
Sorry for neglecting you again.
Haha, been going through a really weird time though.
Although the entire incident seemed to have affected people around me more than it has affected me. Especially my net members whose concern for me goes beyond the highest mountains. LOL.
I'm really fine, coz i realised that God has a great plan for me and all, i dun have to worry about anything coz he's already gonna be 1 step ahead of my silly human thinking. and he'll prepare the way.
Only less than 2 months to NS, gonna focus my energy on something worthwhile. :D my music.

Salmon, signing out.

dear blog

dear blog,

I'm going for a minor surgery next wednesday to remove a small lesion from my back. When i first heard that i need to go for surgery, i was so freaking scared please. I havent done a surgery my whole life, except maybe when i was like 4 for some eye thing but that's about it. I know it's nothing but still, i needed some comfort from a friend. But as usual, she was working and only replied after i fell asleep at around 11 plus. :( even then, she only asked wad surgery and offered no kind of emotional support that i would have required before initially, i was so sad. prayer's one thing, but God creates people for fellowship and dependancy right? sigh. i've always known she was that kind of person, but it never occured to me that the implications were that painful, sigh. at least, this have taught me that i should always go to God first, cause he's always there no matter when, no matter what. And he offers the best kind of love.

Salmon, signing out.

OH NO. my very neglected and abandoned blog. I'm so sorry. I'm not cheating on you!! just gimme some time and content and i'll be back k? i promise. I LURVB LURVB you very much, muakx muakx. XOXO

Salmon, signing out.

Me: Marketing Agent

My father made a deal with me to be his marketing agent, and i would be able to keep my allowance for army or something. So, i'm supposed to spam on forums and boards and marketplaces online to advertise for his tuition gig. so it reads.

" Ex-RI/RJC/NUS engineering student, 20 odd years in the engineering field, 3 plus years experience tuitioning A maths students. Stays in pasir ris, and would be available for small group tuition of 3-4 students for both sec 3 and sec 4 level at night.
Sec 3- 160/mth
Sec 4- 180/mth
pls contact Tang at ********

:D"

might as well advertise here.
anyone interested email mee(:
Salmon, signing out.

Just a thought that i was thinking about awhile ago, now that i got so much time in my hands doing nothing in the staff room, my mind has been thinking abit.

i thought of something strange.

You know, when your eyes wander and you lock on and look at somebody, and the person just looks back at you. kinda makes you wonder if that is staring. haha, random stuff.

Salmon, signing out.

LOL

this is abit late, but its really funny. teaching is hilariously funny.
So, i finally got to teach a whole lesson although, i wasnt really anticipating it whatsoever, would rather slack my way through this term but then again, no choice.

My teacher mentor for this class is perhaps, the prettiest and youngest female teacher in school, but she's really really thin, her legs like twigs. ANYWAY, haha. its funny how out of class she's so sweet and demure, but in class she's really fierce, even i also scared of her. i keep telling the front row students that their teacher very scary. haha.

So, she kindly gave me a lesson to teach for sec 1 physics on measurement of length, and think its probably the hardest thing i'll ever teach in my life. because, these little kids come from primary school, where in their puny little world would they have seen a vernier calipers or a micrometer screwgauge. NO WAY! and i gotta teach them to intepret the readings. i think i went through the whole process of looking at the vernier calipers at least 5 times, and in between i think i gave a really "AHHHHH" look to the kids.

Lol, but i enjoy messing with their minds like what the teachers were discussing this morning over breakfast, this funny woman was telling me that the most important thing in teaching is to mess with the students minds until they dunno what to expect from you. hahaha, i think i tried well for a beginner yesterday.

Scenario one: Asked some question about vernier calipers, then this boy read off his worksheet. then i was like eh dun cheat ah you, look at your worksheet, haha. then i think he was genuinely scared for a few moments. lol. funny stuff

Scenario two: I gave a enigmatic smile and said "class, today your teacher gonna give you a chinese new year present(: then, they were like yayyay. " there's a quiz next thursday!! woo!" then, they were like ahhhh, chinese new year still must study for quiz, whinewhinewhine. Then, their teacher, the really fierce teacher, was like " you all got a problem? go sort it out youself." or something like that. i was like woah.. there i was chilling with the kids, then their teacher so fierce. while she was scolding some kids for not handing in their homework i continued to say, " there's a part two to your CNY present(: more homework(: lol, fun stuff.

Salmon, signing out.

i think i was abit overdramatic. but, in any case, i survived. (:
malays are nice people in the end.

salmon, signing out.

You know in the movies, when the soldiers were sent out to the battlefield or something, they had to write like a letter to their family and put them in their pockets in case they died. haha, i think this is my letter too.Coz in about less than an hour, i've got to enter the gates of hell, or to put it less devilishly, the doors of 3-3 class.. to relief a whole class of malay normal academic students for mother tongue, omg. and they gave me a whole stack of malay notes to give them.. wonder if they would really do it. pray to God to save me!!

Salmon,
signing out.

In school

Today's probably the longest day i would have in a week. and even that only entails 3 periods a day! woo. i think tmr i can read my book and surf the internet and whatnots almost the whole day. and maybe prepare abit of my teaching. (:

So, next week will be more exciting and nerve-wrecking as i will need to teach little sec 1 kids how to use the vernier calipers and micrometer screw gauge.. zero errors and all.

And the best thing about school is the really cheap canteen food. :P

Salmon, aka Mr Tang, signing out.

New year too late

Laziness and procrastination attacked me, and i'm a little too late in posting for my new year's resolutions.

Or i have like 1 in particular.

Maybe that's my only one.

It reads
"stop being fickle."

Cool. I'll wake up everyday remembering that i must not be fickle.

In all my decisions in life. Or most of you guys who would know which kinds of decisions in particular.(:

Salmon, signing out